Naturally, I am a very shy person and I'm definitely not a huge fan of large crowds either. Any more than a handful of people and I begin to squirm in my seat. I'm not just your average shy person, I am a painfully shy person. When I say painfully, I mean it is literally painful in my mind and I get so many negative thoughts running through my mind. In my flesh it is too much for me to handle and more often than not I choose to hide away and avoid the confrontation of feeling uneasy ... that is, until God started poking around in that area of my life. See, I love God and am so thankful He sent His Son to die for me, but my uneasiness of being in crowds has more often than not stood in the way of me even going to church! And a life of hiding away is not how God intends me to live this amazing life He has given to me if I seek Him and find Him ....

The amazing thing is, He has this whole side of life He is waiting to show me! .... a future and a hope! Wow, you mean I don't have to go about being painfully shy anymore?! Now there is a difference between naturally just being reserved and quiet and being painfully shy to the point you don't go anywhere because of it. When I say God doesn't intent a life of being shy I am talking about the later of the two. For me, when I read that verse it was like someone telling me there is a cure for a lifelong disease I have had all this time. So I have been praying and calling on God about having Godly confidence in my life ... and boy, has He heard me and begun showing me that I have a future and a hope in Him ... without being painfully shy!

It hasn't been easy though. God showed me about trusting Him a couple weeks back and now I am continually finding more opportunities where I am able trust Him to fulfil His promises. A week ago I was invited to a church christmas party. Honestly, I accepted the invitation but told myself I wouldn't go because I simply wouldn't enjoy being in a crowd of people. I think I even tried to consciously 'forget' about it ... but that never worked because I had been asking God for Godly confidence. 

When today arrived I had finally forgotten all about the party that was suppose to happen at 5:30pm. Then out of the blue at 5:20pm as I sat to check my Facebook I remembered about the party. I didn't want to go, but I knew it was only because it would be painful. Gently I was reminded of the future and hope God has for me. But it didn't stop there, I had to contend for it ... every excuse there was I tried to convince myself was good enough not to go ... "typical, it starts in 10 minutes and you're going to look stupid walking in late" ... "you can't go, the invite says to take a salad and a secret santa gift you haven't even gone shopping yet!" ... "you don't drive and its too expensive to catch a taxi!" and so the list of excuses went on, but for every excuse God managed to give me an answer for it! Before I knew it, I had a salad, a wrapped gift and a ride coming to get me. Tonight was the night I trusted God was going to show me something amazing and give me Godly confidence.

The best thing is, when I was at the party I didn't once feel painfully shy. There were some awkward moments (like finding a place to sit when everyone else had already been seated) but they didn't affect me the way it would have usually. The end of the night came quickly (they say if you're enjoying yourself time goes fast) and this is what God showed me: